Yes, teen girls can be drama queens, but mom's can be drama mamas.
"What are you speaking about? It's my daughter's fault. She is rude, disrespectful, and defiant."
I understand it's easy to concentrate on your own daughter's behavior, but it's simple for mom's to become listed on the drama dance and escalate the drama.
Now I am not blaming moms or letting teenage girls off the hook.
But moms need certainly to take responsibility for his or her part in the drama dance. I am a mom of a young adult and I discover how easy it is to have hooked in the drama. But this can be a good news.
Whenever you take responsibility for the part, you are able to avoid a majority of the drama with your daughter.
The drama will dissipate quickly once you refuse to become listed on the drama dance.
It takes two to complete the drama dance. For this reason it's important to know the manner in which you escalate the drama. No mom intentionally escalates the drama dance. It's a reaction. You react because you are afraid, frustrated, or she makes you are feeling like a failure.
The Six Ways Moms Escalate Drama
1. Lose Control
Your daughter loses control. She starts yelling and being disrespectful, and before you know it, your feel the fire welling up in your belly. You are touching your inner warrior. You've had it, and you are ready to put her in her place, nevertheless, you lose control.
You lose control of one's words, judgment, and actions.
Result: Whenever you lose control, it offers your daughter permission to get rid of control. This creates a downward cycle that creates an entire new group of problems.Dramacool
What you are able to do about any of it: Have a break. Head to the store. Walk around the block. Have a shower. You'll need time to calm down.
2. Escalate the Arguing
Avoid arguing at all costs. It's not a discussion; it's an electrical struggle where there is going to be considered a winner and loser. It's a struggle to the finish.
Your daughter will attempt to have what she wants by arguing with you.
She will use her teenage logic which is really code for "I'll argue with you till you allow me to do what I want."
She'll throw things at you prefer, "You hate my friends." If you take the bait and start defending and arguing why you don't hate her friends, she will continue steadily to argue with increased passion and emotion. These arguments go downhill quickly. She'll throw everything at you to have her way.
Result: Arguments are doomed from the beginning. Your daughter really is not open as to the you have to say. She just wants her way. Because these arguments are very frustrating and irrational you are bound to get rid of it in bigger ways.
What you are able to do about any of it: Wait for a time when both you and your daughter are calm. This really is your very best chance to really have a conversation. When anyone is upset it will become an argument.
Get clear about what you think and what you are likely to do about it. Lots of arguing happens when you're not clear.
3. Scare Her
Another tactic is attempting to scare your daughter into changing. This happens once you feel you can't get right through to her.
You try to scare her by making negative predictions in the future.
- If you should be sick and tired of your daughter's room being trashed, you say, "In the event that you don't discover ways to take care of your things you are likely to be the greatest slob in the world. Nobody would want to room with you in college. Best of luck finding a man who will tolerate that."
These negative predictions fly from your mouth when you're really frustrated and you don't know what else to do.
Other negative predictions are:
- In the event that you keep eating like that you're likely to be huge.
- In the event that you don't care about your grades you'll never get into a college. You'll be lucky to acquire a job at a fast food restaurant.
Result: Your daughter feels humiliated or shame. She'll believe that you've abadndoned her.
One teenage girl said, "My mom thinks I'm stupid and can't get into college."
Negative predictions lead to apathy, despair, anger, and shame. They never motivate.
What you are able to do about any of it: Remember your daughter's strengths, abilities, and resiliencies. This can help calm your fears. Encourage her by saying things like, "I understand you can be successful, once you put enough time and effort into it." You are challenging her but in an optimistic way.
